Recently and due to the demand of the subject matter, we have seen an increase in the scholars speaking of raising children in an Islamic manner, in order to instil the Islamic Tarbiyah (cultivation). I have only heard some lecture series so far and I must admit each one gave me much to think about and implement. Alhamdulillah. I will make a list below, and although the lectures and books are found on many websites, nothing beats owning them in hard copy or in a nice cd collection package.

Children around the Prophet by Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi (8 cd series)

21 Teaching methods of the Prophet pbuh by Skyhk Mohammad Al Shareef (4 cd series)

The Legacy of Prophet Ibrahim by Shykh Nouman Ali Khan (this one is available on utube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1W4wv4K8rM  )

And lastly there was a course taught by Shykh Farraz Rabbanni on Raising children through ISlamic Tarbiyyah, which was informative and good. Ofcourse it’s not available in cds but only taught through Sunnipath last time I checked.

I have been a Mum for over 3 years now (only) and I must admit it is an occupation that needs a life long learning and updating of methods and information. It is a profession in its own right. It also requires the most amount of networking and knowledge sharing, and the impact of moral support and sharing experiences become astoundingly helpful. Most amazingly, and when I thought as women our relationship with our own mothers cannot get any deeper, motherhood brings along a whole new aspect to our own mums, an almost brand new side to them and a sense of tremendous respect and appreciation overflows as we reflect on our own mother’s trials and sufferings in raising us. Please feel free to comment with your sources of Islamic motherhood, raising children and everything relating to it. I have come across many parenting forums for muslims, especially sisters that are very helpful. There is a website/forum and more on this one particular that I have to mention, very useful, informative and an excellent networking site. mumlovesme.com

Lastly a brief khutbah message from Shykh Nouman Ali Khan on parenting

Al-Asr

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am the person most in need of it! Where do I start, I always thought that things will get easier as my daughter grows older, but, really I was wrong. Old issues that fade away such as problems in burping, feeding and putting baby to sleep are replaced with new ones such as handling tantrums, fussy eating and well more tantrums. I do blame myself sometimes for my daughter developing them but where oh where was my patience. That is the antidote to every problem I have with my toddler.

I always thought about how to be patient in a difficult situation. I once heard a knowledgeable man say “If you are getting angrier and angrier and the door handle is just about to fly off, that is not patience”. Meaning suppressing anger in not patience. The point is NOT to get angry in the first place and once angry, to calm down rather than suppress it.  That would require looking at the situation differently than you are at the point of anger. I also do think that after listening to so many lectures and scholars about the importance of motherhood and raising children of high esteem and emaan, there should also be lectures on how to take it easy, or to laugh off some things otherwise it may leave a mother feeling a little wired and rigid. Having said that, it is not that easy to laugh off continuous and persistent naughtiness. I realised a change of heart is required. So many of these hadiths, when talking about patience, speaks of kindness and speaks of forgiveness, which are really the action words of patience. After all, I realised, I cannot make my 2 year old understand fair go, justice, and obedience just yet.   The last hadith, I love the most, and who doesnt love a person who is easy, flexible, modest and uncomplicated. May Allah swt give us those qualities and make us successful in this world and hereafter.

Extracts of patience from Riyad-us-Saleheen (Imam Nawawi)

632. Ibn ‘Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to Ashajj ‘Abdu’l-Qays, “You have two qualities which Allah loves: forbearance and steadiness.” [Muslim]

633. ‘A’isha reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah is kind and loves kindness in every matter.” [Agreed upon]

634. ‘A’isha reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah is kind and loves kindness and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness nor for anything else.” [Muslim]

635. ‘A’isha reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whenever kindness is in a thing it adorns it, and whenever it is removed from anything, it disfigures it.” [Muslim]

636. Abu Hurayra said, “A bedouin urinated in the mosque. The people moved towards him and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Let him be and pour a bucket or pail of water onto his urine. You were sent to make things easy and not to make them difficult.’” [al-Bukhari]

637. Anas reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Make things easy for people and do not make them difficult. Give good news to people and do not frighten them away.” [Agreed upon]

638. Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘Whoever is deprived of kindness is deprived of all good.’” [Muslim]

639. Abu Hurayra reported that a man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, “Advise me.” He said, “Do not get angry.” He repeated his request several times and the Prophet said, “Do not get angry.” [al-Bukhari]

640. Abu Yala Shaddad ibn Aws reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah has prescribed good for everything. So when you kill, kill well. When you sacrifice, sacrifice well. Each of you should sharpen the edge of his knife and should calm down his sacrificial animal.” [Muslim]

641. ‘A’isha said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was never given a choice between two matters without taking the easier of them, as long as it was not a wrong action. If it was a wrong action, he was the furthest of people from it. The Messenger of Allah did not take revenge for himself in respect of anything unless it violated the sanctity of Allah. Then he would take revenge for the sake of Allah Almighty.” [Agreed upon]

642. Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Shall I tell you who is unlawful for the Fire – or the one for whom the Fire is unlawful? It is unlawful for everyone who is easy, flexible, modest and uncomplicated.” [at-Tirmidhi]

• “In more than 8,000 face-to-face interviews conducted in eight predominantly Muslim countries, the survey found that many women in the Muslim world did not see sex issues as a priority because other issues were more pressing.”
  

• “When asked what they resented most about their own societies, a majority of Muslim women polled said that a lack of unity among Muslim nations, violent extremism, and political and economic corruption were their main concerns. The hijab, or head scarf, and burqa, the garment covering face and body, seen by some Westerners as tools of oppression, were never mentioned in the women’s answers to the open-ended questions, the poll analysts said.”
• “Concerning women’s rights in general, most Muslim women polled associated sex equality with the West. Still, a majority of the respondents did not think adopting Western values would help the Muslim world’s political and economic progress.“
• “The most frequent response to the question, “What do you admire least about the West?” was the general perception of moral decay, promiscuity and pornography that pollsters called the “Hollywood image” that is regarded as degrading to women.”
• An overwhelming majority of the women polled in each country cited “attachment to moral and spiritual values” as the best aspect of their own societies. In Pakistan, 53 percent of the women polled said attachment to their religious beliefs was their country’s most admirable trait. Similarly, in Egypt, 59 percent of the women surveyed cited love of their religion as the best aspect.Someone should send Musharaff  and Mubarak, the two tyrants bent on pleasing its colonial power givers this bit of the survey result, so that they realise their efforts in trying to “modernise” and “westernise” their countries has not yielded results, perhaps it had an opposite effect.
  
• “Women’s empowerment has been identified as a key goal of U.S. policy in the region,” Women’s empowerment? Is it really? What is their idea of empowerment, sending feminist personalities to Afghanistan and set up Beauty Parlors? Pressing upon the women there to undress, flaunt and get on the catwalk? Sounds more like spreading curruption and moral demise. What about proper education, what about womens’ health clinics and medicine, sanitation, even basic necisities such as food, clean water, clothing and basic materials to build shelter. But ofcourse what costs them to give real help, they are reluctant to undertake.

SubhanAllah, here is the clear evidence of a Muslimah’s intelligence and lack of selfishness. Intelligence in recognising that with the plundering and looting of the people’s natural resources by their colonial corrupt governments, coalition armies deployed & destroying muslim lands (and getting their hands on muslim women in the process), poor health care and educational facilities for their children due to negligence from the rulers and the rich, and many others, the obligation by their religion for covering up and keeping their modesty is far from being an issue, it is a quality of dignity.

Source

Taken from my favourite hadith compilation Riyad-us-Salihin (Garden of the Rightous):

700: Ammar bin Yasir r.a.a says: I heard the Prophet (peace be upon him) saying: ” Prolonging Salat (prayer) and shortening the Khutba (religious talk) indicate the religious knowledge (in anthor translation, intelligence and wisdom) of the person. Make your Salat long and your sermon short.” [Muslim]

Also remembering that our words are going to be judged by Allah (swt) as HE says in the Quran:

“Not a word does he utter but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it).” (50:18 )

Abu Hurairah (RA) reported that the Prophet (SAW) said: “Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak what is good or be silent.” (Agreed upon).

Hence, silence is preferred to useless speech!

In the words of a famous scholar Imam Shafi’ee : “If a person wishes to say something then he should think before he starts talking. If there is good, then he should speak, otherwise he should not.”

Note to myself again: Short and to the point!

Whats wrong with the statement? Muslim women can do anything they want. Can we really? The statement would only ring true when a Muslim has enough fear and love of Allah (swt) that they can do anything they want because they will never entertain the thought of doing things that violate the commandments or limits set by her Creator, Allah (swt). For the rest of us who are distracted in proving ourselves to the non muslims, we must realise that, no, Muslim women cannot possibly do everything and anything they want when their whims and desires contradict Islam or compromise it. You might add, why is there anyone to force us here? I answer, no, no iron fist here, please nobody bring up that ignoramus comment of Islam spread by sword. It is the realisation of the authority, and might, and power of our Lord, Allah (swt), coupled with the blessings He (swt) has provided us.

We need to realise that from the beginning of our allegiance to submit to Allah’s (swt) commandments, by identifying ourselves as Muslims (Arabic word which translates to submitters to Islam), the commandments and rules from Allah (swt) become mandatory for us, why? It’s our proof on the Day of Judgment of our obedience to Allah (swt), the evidences we will so desperately try to muster so that we may be saved from Hell fire and enter Paradise, the epitome of Allah’s (swt) mercy.

The commandments of Allah (swt) would render some activities unlawful or disliked for Muslim women to do. Some we simply cannot do without compromising our character or dress code, if we are sincere we need to accept that fact. Swimming, basketball, volleyball are some examples because in Australia, there are no women only or Muslim women only facilities for these recreational activities which guarantee no-entrance to non Muslim men and keep out the public view (notice most swimming pools have translucent walls) . These activities would require a Muslim to discard her outer covering, known as, Jilbab, which is mandatory attire for a Muslim in the public arena. If she does so, she would be sinning, no nicer way to put this fact.

In the Quran, Surah al-Ahzab ayah 59 (33:59) says:

Ya ayyuha an-Nabiyy qul li azwajika wa banatika wa nisa al-mu’minin yudnina alayhinna min jalabib hinna; dhalika adna an yu’rafna fa laa yu’dhayn. Wa kana Allahu Ghafur Rahim

O Prophet! Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their JALABIB close around them; that is better that they will be recognized and not annoyed. And God is ever Forgiving, Gentle.

For those who are bent on proving the rights and independence of muslim women (by playing ball?) must realise these are only recreational activities, or past time activities. Getting engrossed in such activities are not only time wasting, these are distractions from the more important activities of a Muslim, such as studying Islamic knowledge or getting involved in services which are needed by the Muslim community here in Australia.

The issue boils down to that of placing Allah’s (swt) commandments before our preferences and wants. Allah says in Quran:

The answer of the Believers, when summoned to Allah and His Messenger, in order that He may judge between them, is no other than this: they say, “We hear and we obey”: it is such as these that will attain felicity. It is such as obey Allah and His Messenger, and fear Allah and do right, that will win (in the end), (24:51-52)

I refer to an excellent bit from an article from Islamic Awakening, Labayk! I Hear and Obey Shariffa Carlo:

“Obeying Allah and His messenger is the foundation of the words La ilaha il Allah, Muhamadur Rasool Allah. (There is no deity worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His messenger) . It is the essence of the deen. To the extent that when we receive a command from the Quran or from the Prophet, we are just to say, “we hear and we obey.” An example of this is:

Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Mu’alla: While I was praying, the Prophet called me but I did not respond to his call. Later I said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I was praying.” He said, “Didn’t Allah say: ‘O you who believe! Give your response to Allah (by obeying Him) and to His Apostle when he calls you’?” (8.24) Sahih Bukhari: Volume 6, Book 61, Number 528.

This is Islam. This is true faith. We recognize that our own personal desires, our rationalizations, and our understandings are all limited and flawed. We recognize that we do not know it all, and that if what we want contradicts with what Allah and His messenger have commanded for us, then what we want is incorrect and Allah and His messenger are correct and we defer to their judgment.”

http://www.islamicawakening.com/viewarticle.php?articleID=274

How do we attain the quality of obedience? We do this by engrossing ourselves in knowledge of Islam, knowledge of Allah (swt) and his authority over us. Also to keep ourselves conscious of Allah’s (Swt) dominion and watch over us at all times. Realise that your life is being video-taped and will be played back to you on the big screen on the Day of Judgement, with your hand and feet giving testimony to things you would otherwise wish you would not have done.

So getting back to the statement, the think tanks who mustered up this slogan or the attention given much by the media to this statement made from a niche group within our muslim community here in Australia seeks to create attributes of arrogance and ego within the muslimahs in the mask of “empowering the women”. Its effect: dismissing or overlooking the boundaries set by Allah (swt) to the Muslim, to essentially put personal wants and likes before worship and prioritising self before Allah (swt). We need to be aware of this and not take it lightly. We women cannot do anything and everything, we accept and know that and we are happy with that. We know that many of these things are unnecessary past time activities and are no way near as important as following the commandment of Allah (swt).

Islam has given the Muslim rights and empowerment in areas that really matter, such as financial, honour and the list goes on, and it was given by none other than Allah (Swt).

Where do I start? Ive been so extremely busy after the coming of my daughter, Maryam, who is now almost 3months old, I’ve had to give in the blogging a bit. I keep thinking of interesting issues, only to lose it again when I sit in front of the computer to type it down, arrghh!

Motherhood, I totally realize its significance, which I should have realized before from all the hadiths of honor and respect commanded to mothers by the prophet (peace be upon him) and the mention of pregnancy and childbirth by Allah (swt) in the Quran. Anyway, human beings, peculiar creatures, dont intellectually realize something til we experience it. I have come to respect my mother even more now and at every step deeply regret of every having hurt her, if I ever did. May Allah (swt) forgive me. Motherhood is a beautiful and hardworking experience and it requires significant amount of organizational skills, gut feeling and patience. Alhamdulillah, it has the potential to make a woman much more skilled and diligent. And to think I missed the reason behind the emphasis that Islam placed on motherhood. May Allah (swt) guide us muslims~!

P.S: One has to keep with the daily prayers until post-natal bleeding starts, hence the stone for tyamum, if you simply cant bring yourself to make ablution.

baby-bag.doc

Advice for the New Mother

By Sister Fatima Barakatullah

The coming of a first new baby is a time of excitement and every Muslim mother-to-be eagerly awaits the arrival of this special gift. It is easy to fin

The coming of a first new baby is a time of excitement and every Muslim mother-to-be eagerly awaits the arrival of this special gift. It is easy to find the latest advice and useful practical tips and information about what to expect of the early weeks of motherhood on a day to day basis from Western books, but because they are bereft of the guidance of Islam, they contain little advice for Muslim Women when it comes coping spiritually with the coming of a baby. Every baby is different and some first time mothers find things quite easy and smooth. But nearly all will have moments when they struggle to reorganize their lives and many have a very trying time if their baby suffers from colic or has trouble settling down or if the birth was complicated and long. There are many things Muslim women can do to make this time as smooth as possible and increase their Eemân.

Welcome your child in the correct Islamic manner

There are many sunnahs relating to the newborn:

The Adhân being recited to the child soon after the birth so that it is the first thing the child hears.

Tahnîk: rubbing a small piece of softened date or something sweet on the palate of the newborn.

Shaving the hair of the newborn on the seventh day and giving the value of its weight in silver to charity.

Announce the good news of the birth to family and friends and you will see that everyone is happy when they hear of the birth of a new Muslim child!

Aqiqah

The Aqîqah is a strong Sunnah and many scholars regard it as an obligation upon the parents and it is the slaughtering of two sheep or goats for a boy and one sheep or goat for a girl preferably on the seventh day. The Prophet ( sallallâhu alaihi wa sallam) is reported to have said:

“The Aqîqah is a right (upon you). (Slaughter) for a boy two compatible sheep, and for a girl: one”. (Ahmad and others.)[1] Although many people send money to poor Muslim countries for the Aqîqah, this important Sunnah should be revived in the societies we live in as well. By having the Aqîqah in your locality, by eating of the meat yourself and having your friends and family and other Muslims gather and take part in this joyous occasion or in distributing the meat to them there are many benefits: First of all this is the way the Prophet (sallallâhu alaihi wa sallam) practiced it. The sense of identity of the Muslim community as well as Muslim children will increase, people will know that there is a new addition to the Ummah and will pray for your child insha Allâh and you will be able to enjoy this occasion and perhaps meet family and friends who you may not be able to see so often now that you are a busy mother.

A good name is one of the rights of the child. Good names are those which are known to be pleasing to Allâh and approved by His Messenger or acceptable to the scholars of Islam. Recommended names are those that show servitude to Allâh: Abdullah, Abdurrahmân etc. The names of the Prophets and Sahâbah and the pious people before us will also have a good effect on the childs psyche. She will want to be like Mariam (‘ alaihas Salâm) and he will want to be like ‘Umar (Radi Allâhu ‘anhu) if you give them those names insha Allâh. And the child will have a role model in their name and love to hear the story of a person in the past with their name. Make sure the name has a good meaning, don’t just name it because it sounds good. There have been some people especially from amongst the non-Arabs who have named their children names that sound good but have a bad or improper meaning for a Muslim. That name will have an effect on the character of that child and will follow that child for life. One name that we came across amongst some children was a Muslim girl called: Ilâha! Meaning ‘goddess’! We seek refuge in Allâh from such names.

Circumcision: If you have a son, get him circumcised on the seventh day or as soon as you can so as not to cause the child discomfort. It’s good to get a personal recommendation when looking for a Doctor and the procedure is a very easy one and local anesthetic is usually used. Usually healing takes a week or two.

Duas and Other worships

A common statement made by some sisters who are mothers is “I don’t get any time to do ‘ Ibâdah”. This is a misconception amongst us because we don’t realize that even the every day tasks that we do as Muslims become Worships if they are accompanied with a good intention. So, perhaps you are spending most of your time caring for your baby and even after the post-partum bleeding period you may not be able to pray as many superogaratory prayers or teach Qur’ân or do other praiseworthy acts that you used to do. But remember, the job that you are doing is one, which Allâh has ordained for you, and a very important and rewardable one if you do it mindfully and for the sake of Allâh. You are bringing up the future worshippers of Allâh, the future scholars or Mujâhidîn or teachers or leaders: the future Ummah!

Although you will not be performing Salâh as you are in your Post natal bleeding period, this is a time you need to call on Allâh regularly and using His names and attributes, call on Him sincerely, ask Him to make easy anything you may be finding difficult. Make du’a for your child for the du’a of the mother for her child is answered as occurs in the hadîth:

“There are three supplications that are answered – there being no doubt about it: the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of the parent for his child.”[2]

Some du’as you can make for your child are as follows:

The du’a that the Prophet used to make for Hasan and Hussain which was also the du’a that the Prophet Ibrahîm (alaihis salâm) used to make for Ismaîl and Ishâq was:

“U’îdhukumâ bi kalimât illâhi-ttâmah, min kulli shaytânin wa hâmmah wa min kulli ‘ainin lâmma”[3]

“I seek refuge for you with Allâh’s complete words from every Devil and harmful creature and from every envious eye”

And the du’a of Mariam’s mother (alaihas Salâm) to Allâh:

“Innî u’îdhu hâ bika wa dhurrîyyatuhâ minashaitânir-rajîm”

“I seek Your protection for her and her progeny from Shaitan, the outcast.” (Surah ?l-‘Imran 3:36)

Suratul Fâtihah, Ayatul Kursî and the last three Surah’s of the Qur’ân can also be recited for seeking protection.

You may be awake in the night feeding your child for long stretches, so take this opportunity to make du’a and make adhkâr while feeding. Du’a and Dhikr are in and of themselves ‘Ibâdah. Allâh has given us many ways of worshipping him for all different situations. You could revise the Surahs you have memorized [4] or just listen to Qur’ân recitation and contemplate on the meaning. Getting your baby used to having the Qur’ân recited to him will insha Allâh be beneficial and have an effect on him. Or get some cassettes with talks on them to listen to as this can have a very positive effect on you especially if the talks are inspirational like the Stories of The Prophets or Sahabah.

Reference: Click here for whole article